Wednesday, September 24, 2008

For the Beat-Up and Burnt-Out



We're in a series called "What Fuels You?" about the greatest message ever preached, the Sermon on the Mount.

I'm reading for the first time a book I should have read about 20 years ago - The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning. He was a former Roman Catholic priest and alcoholic who encountered the "furious love of God." If you, like me, happened to grow up in a church who told you what movies not to see and what music you couldn't listen to, at some point you burned all your "secular" CD's. You then turned to the newly-birthed 80's Christian rock scene. It had a cheese factor of limburger, but you didn't care - it's the same reason Chuckie Cheese's pizza tastes delicious if you haven't eaten in 3 days. One of the artists who I heard over and over again was Rich Mullins. While I wasn't a huge fan of his music, I liked the name of his band: the "Ragamuffin Band." It came out of this book. Ragamuffin means, a "shabbily clothed child." Sounds like a word Dickens would coin. Brennan Manning uses it to mean that the gospel is for the bedraggled, beat up, and burnt-out.

Brennan says his book is not for, "the super-spiritual...muscular Christians...Allelulia Christians who live only on the mountaintop and have never visited the valley of desolation..." It's for the "wobbly and weak-kneed who know they don't have it together...inconsistent, unsteady disciples...stupid and honest disciples who admit they are scalawags."

As we learned this past week about being poor in spirit, in order to experience the riches of God, we must first admit our spiritual poverty. People who are poor in spirit are rich in humility. While I wish I could quote the whole book to you, I will pass along a prayer from the end of a chapter:

Lord Jesus, we are silly sheep who have dared to stand before You and try to bribe You with our preposterous portfolios. Suddenly we have come to our senses. We are sorry and ask You to forgive us. Give us the grace to admit we are ragamuffins, to embrace our brokenness, to celebrate Your mercy when we are at our weakest, to rely on Your mercy no matter what we may do. Dear Jesus, gift us to stop grandstanding and trying to get attention, to do the truth quietly without display, to let the dishonesties in our lives fade away, to accept our limitations, to cling to the gospel of grace, and to delight in your love. Amen.

Blessed are the ragamuffins (poor in spirit), for they shall inherit the kingdom of heaven.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Dominoes Are Meant to Be Knocked Over



Some records are made to be broken. Except the one Don Gorske set. He just ate his 23,000th Big Mac today. That's a lot of special sauce. But every year people from around the world in an effort to get in that Guinness book pick up a jump rope, slam some hot dogs and set up dominoes. Jumping rope bores me and I like hot dogs in moderation, but those dominoes are cool.

4,079,381

That's the world record. A game show in the Netherlands pulled it off. I just feel bad for the guy on staff who got the memo:

1. Clean bathrooms on the 3rd floor
2. Change bulbs in conference room
3. Set up 4 million dominoes for world record attempt

I couldn't find the you tube video about those who set up each individual domino. Guess they figured it wouldn't get much airtime. Apparently it took hundreds of volunteers working around the clock for weeks. It only took 2 hours to topple them. This 2 minute video does little justice.

But how fun would it be to push the first domino.

In Ephesians Paul says, "For we are his workmanship created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” After God created each one of us, He started setting up dominoes. He called them "good works." Then He asks us - do you want to push them over?

Can you imagine setting up all those dominoes and then saying, "Alrighty, we're done here." Every kid will tell you. Dominoes are meant to be knocked down. But in our world, when God sets them up, I'm tempted to leave them standing.

I've discovered believing in God is not nearly as tough as believing He wants to use me. Before eternity began, God set up good works for each one of us. It may be to start a business. Go on a mission trip. Help a single mom with the yard work. Play on the worship team. Lead a small group. Feed the homeless. Teach kids how God makes them GREAT. The dominoes have been set up. We've been prewired with all the skills, talents, and personality we need. Just one thing remains. A little push.

I like how Paul uses the word, "walk." Not sprint. Not run continuously for a long time. Just put one foot in front of the other. He's put you on that cul-de-sac. He knew about the estranged family member in your life. He's given you the intellect to study and the voice to teach. He gave you those kids, and you can't give them back! If you think about it, He's done the hard work. He just wants to know...

What domino will you push over today?

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Samson In Action


This past Sunday our church met Daniel Rassum. Or at least we saw a few pics and heard about how this homeless crack addict was given another chance.

Back in June the Samson Pirate Monk Cruise moored at Renaissance Bible Church. After hearing convicting and pithy phrases like "there is no manhood without brotherhood," and "Jesus called us to a personal relationship not a private one," Nate Larkin and his pirate monks set sail to Winston Salem.

Over breakfast at a Whole Foods, before they rushed off to their next appointment, God interrupted. They didn't ignore Him.

Many "conference type speakers" tell a good tale, but you always wonder if they practice what they so eloquently preach. Nate and his guys are the real deal. Read about Daniel and how a road trip turned into a life-altering journey. Check it out at Samson

They know a little about the Amazing Chase.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Jesus was a Coffee Drinker


He woke up early in the morning. He stayed out praying all night. He weathered storms on the sea of Galilee. He camped with the disciples. Who does any of that without java? I'm convinced the answer to WWJD (What would Jesus drink) is "coffee." And probably black, no cream. Maybe Judas and Thomas needed cream, but not Jesus.

Jesus knew the power of one on one conversations, and some of the best conversations happen over coffee (and I'll go ahead and say "tea" for the faint of stomach). He never quite caught onto the marketing mentality. He walked away from the crowds (Mark 1:38). John 3:16, the most marketable verse of the past 100 years, was spoken to one guy in a back alley of Jerusalem...probably over a double espresso.

If you want to see what God can do with one on one conversations, pick up the book I recommended this past weekend - Same Kind of Different as Me by Denver Moore and Ron Hall. You can see what it's about at www.samekindofdifferentasme.com

To put our money where your mouth is - we passed out $10.00 Starbucks cards to each family. We also asked you to write down the person who you're going to spend it on. For some of you it's a neighbor that you've never met, a co-worker who annoys you, a mom from down the street, or an estranged family member. The goal isn't to put another notch in the gospel belt - the goal is to start a relationship with no expectations other than to show interest in someone God himself loves.

If you missed the message, you can catch it on itunes under Renaissance Bible Church. After you listen to it, let me know. We've got a card waiting for you.

Friday, July 25, 2008

Taking Intimidation out of Meditation


Ever gone to one of those fancy restaurants, ordered a steak, and when you looked at the plate, you wondered who ate most of it on the way to your table? Then you took a bite. Perhaps it was the sauce or the texture, but you realized the amount belied the density.

A great chef makes small portions rich.

I love going to Chinese buffets. Management doesn’t love me. They know they are about to lose money. But even with all that food, in two hours I’m hungry again. Just because I devour enough to feed a small country doesn’t mean I get filled up.

Sometimes I feel pressure to know more, be more, read more, consume more. I step up to life’s buffet and want to try everything or I feel like I haven’t gotten my money’s worth. But devouring more volume doesn’t guarantee more satisfaction.

In suburbia, we equate meditation with yoga, new age, and sitting like a pretzel. You hear phrases like, “empty your mind; ohm; and let the stress seep out of your fingertips…” Not a big fan of seepage. For most of us, the spiritual practice of solitude is rare and meditation is an endangered species. I’ve heard of prayer warriors, but never meditation warriors. It’s an ancient art practiced by eastern people. However meditation has a rich tradition throughout the Bible and the early church. And it’s not about emptying your mind; it’s about how to fill it.

“Oh how I love your law! It is my meditation all the day. Your commandment makes me wiser than my enemies, for it is ever with me. I have more understanding than all my teachers, for your testimonies are my meditation.” Psalm 119:97

“This book of the law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night…” Joshua 1:8

Meditation is simply chewing small portions of Scripture. How do we start?

Pick a small portion of Scripture: maybe the Beatitudes in Matthew 5; a proverb; or a Psalm

Pick an amount of time you will meditate on it: 5 or 10 minutes a day for a week

Think on it.

I tend to approach Scripture with the attitude, “What can I get out of this?” Meditation is more about what God wants to get out of me. What attitude needs to change? How do I live up to this concept or precept? What message is God whispering? Someone described meditation not as us reading the Bible, but as the Bible reading us.

We market John 3:16 far better than Jesus ever did. He totally missed the potential. After thinking on John chapter 3 for a while I realize he never wore his statement about "born again" on a shirt, or put it on a bumper sticker. He told it to one guy in the middle of the night. Jesus always gave his best to the least amount of people. He didn't wait for the crowds or the cameras. Now, I'm glad we've gone global with that verse, but it made me think, "Am I willing to give my best to the least?" One child. One wife. One friend. One church. One neighbor.

Rather than seeing the Bible as a buffet you need to consume quickly, why not see it as a series of small entrée’s? A great chef knows how to make small portions rich.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Time to Multi-Quit the Multi-Task


A.W. Tozer's words are fitting - God waits to be wanted. Too bad that with many of us He waits so long, so very long, in vain. At Renaissance this past week we asked the question - if you were told how to chase God, would you be willing to do it? Sure as long as God's like opening up another window in my multi-screened life. God may be speaking to us, but we have far too many layers of noise to actually hear him. Biblically, to chase God, we must cease from other pursuits - then wait. But our culture screams at us: if you sit still, you'll get passed by, you'll miss it, you'll be left out. Some of you asked about an article I quoted from novelist Walter Kim. It's a bit long for a blog, but if you can sheath your new iphone for a few minutes, it might be worth it.

"The Folly of Multi-Tasking"

Our cell phones and computers had us convinced we could do five things at once. But neuroscience, says novelist Walter Kim, is now finding that the mental gymnastics required actually dumbs us down. In the Midwestern town where I grew up (a town so small that the phone line on our block was a “party line” well into the 1960s), there were two skinny brothers in their 30s who built a car that could drive into the river and become a fishing boat. My pals and I thought the car-boat was a wonder. A thing that did one thing but also did another thing—especially the opposite thing, but at least an unrelated thing—was our idea of a great invention and a bold stride toward the future. Where we got this idea, I’ll never know, but it caused us to envision a world-to come teeming with crossbred, hyphenated machines. Refrigerator–TV sets. Dishwasher– air conditioners. Table saw– popcorn poppers. Camera-radios.

With that last dumb idea, we were getting close to something, as I’ve noted every time I’ve dropped or fumbled my cell phone and snapped a picture of a wall or the middle button of my shirt. Impressive. Ingenious. Yet juvenile. Arbitrary. And why a substandard camera, anyway? Why not an excellent electric razor? Because (I told myself at the cell phone store in the winter of 2003, as I handled a feature-laden upgrade that my new contract entitled me to purchase at a deep discount that also included a rebate) there may come a moment on a plane or in a subway station or at a mall when I and the other able-bodied males will be forced to subdue a terrorist, and my color snapshot of his trussed-up body will make the front page of USA Today and appear at the left shoulder of all the superstars of cable news.

While I waited for my date with citizen journalist destiny, I took a lot of self-portraits in my Toyota and forwarded them to a girlfriend in Colorado, who reciprocated from her Jeep. Neither one of us almost died. For months. But then, one night on a snowy two-lane highway, while I was crossing Wyoming to see my girl’s real face, my phone made its chirpy you-have-a-picture noise, and I glanced down in its direction while also, apparently, swerving off the pavement and sailing over a steep embankment toward a barbed-wire fence.

It was interesting to me—in retrospect, after having done some reading about the frenzied activity of the multitasking brain—how late in the process my prefrontal cortex, where our cognitive switchboards hide, changed its focus from the silly phone (Where did it go? Did it slip between the seats?) to the important matter of a steel fence post sliding spear-like across my hood. The laminated windshield glass must have been high quality; the point of the post bounced off it, leaving only a star shaped surface crack. But I was still barreling toward sagebrush, and who knew what rocks and boulders lay in wait.

Five minutes later, I’d driven out of the field and gunned it back up the embankment onto the highway and was proceeding south, heart slowing some, satellite radio tuned to a soft-rock channel called the Heart, which was playing lots of soothing Céline Dion.

“I just had an accident trying to see your picture.”

“Will you get here in time to take me out to dinner?”

“I almost died.”

“Well, you sound fine.”

“Fine’s not a sound.”

I never forgave her for that detachment. I never forgave myself for buying a camera phone. We all remember the promises. The slogans. They were all about freedom, liberation. Supposedly we were in handcuffs and wanted out of them. The key that dangled in front of us was a microchip. “Where do you want to go today?” asked Microsoft in a mid-1990s ad campaign. The suggestion was that there were endless destinations—some geographic, some social, some intellectual—that you could reach in milliseconds by loading the right devices with the right software. It was further insinuated that where you went was purely up to you, not your spouse, your boss, your kids, or your government.

Autonomy through automation. This was the embryonic fallacy that grew up into the monster of multitasking. Human freedom, as classically defined (to think and act and choose with minimal interference by outside powers), was not a product that firms like Microsoft could offer, but they recast it as something they could provide. A product for which they could raise the demand by refining its features, upping its speed, restyling its appearance, and linking it up with all the other products that promised freedom, too, but had replaced it with three inferior substitutes that they could market in its name: Efficiency, convenience, and mobility.

For proof that these bundled minor virtues don’t amount to freedom but are, instead, a formula for a period of mounting frenzy climaxing with a lapse into fatigue, consider that “Where do you want to go today?” was really manipulative advice, not an open question. “Go somewhere now,” it strongly recommended, then go somewhere else tomorrow, but always go, go, go—and with our help. But did any rebel reply, “Nowhere. I like it fine right here”? Did anyone boldly ask, “What business is it of yours?” Was anyone brave enough to say, “Frankly, I want to go back to bed”?

Maybe a few of us. Not enough of us. Everyone else was going places, it seemed, and either we started going places, too— especially to those places that weren’t places (another word they’d redefined) but were just pictures or documents or videos or boxes on screens where strangers conversed by typing—or else we’d be nowhere (a location once known as “here”) doing nothing (an activity formerly labeled “living”). What a waste this would be. What a waste of our new freedom. Our freedom to stay busy at all hours, at the task—and then the many tasks, and ultimately the multitask—of trying to be free. It isn’t working, it never has worked.

The scientists know this too, and they think they know why. Through a variety of experiments, many using functional magnetic resonance imaging to measure brain activity, they’ve torn the mask off multitasking and revealed its true face, which is blank and pale and drawn. Multitasking messes with the brain in several ways. At the most basic level, the mental balancing acts that it requires—the constant switching and pivoting—energize regions of the brain that specialize in visual processing and physical coordination and simultaneously appear to shortchange some of the higher areas related to memory and learning. We concentrate on the act of concentration at the expense of whatever it is that we’re supposed to be concentrating on.

What does this mean in practice? Consider a recent experiment at UCLA, where researchers asked a group of 20- somethings to sort index cards in two trials, once in silence and once while simultaneously listening for specific tones in a series of randomly presented sounds. The subjects’ brains coped with the additional task by shifting responsibility from the hippocampus—which stores and recalls information—to the striatum, which takes care of rote, repetitive activities. Thanks to this switch, the subjects managed to sort the cards just as well with the musical distraction— but they had a much harder time remembering what, exactly, they’d been sorting once the experiment was over.

Even worse, certain studies find that multitasking boosts the level of stress-related hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline and wears down our systems through biochemical friction, prematurely aging us. In the short term, the confusion, fatigue, and chaos merely hamper our ability to focus and analyze, but in the long term, they may cause it to atrophy.

The next generation, presumably, is the hardest-hit. They’re the ones way out there on the cutting edge of the multitasking revolution, texting and instant messaging each other while they download music to their iPod and update their Facebook page and complete a homework assignment and keep an eye on the episode of The Hills flickering on a nearby television. (A recent study from the Kaiser Family Foundation found that 53 percent of students in grades seven through 12 report consuming some other form of media while watching television; 58 percent multitask while reading; 62 percent while using the computer; and 63 percent while listening to music. “I get bored if it’s not all going at once,” said a 17-year-old quoted in the study.)

They’re the ones whose still-maturing brains are being shaped to process information rather than understand or even remember it. This is the great irony of multitasking— that its overall goal, getting more done in less time, turns out to be chimerical. In reality, multitasking slows our thinking. It forces us to chop competing tasks into pieces, set them in different piles, then hunt for the pile we’re interested in, pick up its pieces, review the rules for putting the pieces back together, and then attempt to do so, often quite awkwardly. (Fact: A brain attempting to perform two tasks simultaneously will, because of all the back-and-forth stress, exhibit a substantial lag in information processing.)

Productive? Efficient? More like running up and down a beach repairing a row of sand castles as the tide comes rolling in and the rain comes pouring down. Multitasking, a definition: “The attempt by human beings to operate like computers, often done with the assistance of computers.” It begins by giving us more tasks to do, making each task harder to do, and dimming the mental powers required to do them. It finishes by making us forget exactly how on earth we did them (assuming we didn’t give up, or “multiquit”), which makes them harder to do again.

After the near-fatal consequences of my 2003 decision to buy a phone with a feature I didn’t need, life went on—and rather rapidly, since multitasking eats up time in the name of saving time, rushing you through your two-year contract cycle and returning you to the company store with a suspicion that you didn’t accomplish all you hoped to after your last optimistic, euphoric visit.

“Which of the ones that offer rebates don’t have cameras in them?”

“The decent models all do. The best ones now have video capabilities. You can shoot little movies.” I

wanted to ask, Of what? Oncoming barbed wire? I shook my head. I was turning down whiz-bang features for the first time. “I’ll take the fat little free one,” I told the salesman.

“The thing’s inert. It does nothing. It’s a pet rock.”

I informed him that I was old enough to have actually owned a pet rock once and that I missed it.

From a longer essay that appears in November’s The Atlantic Monthly. © 2007 by The Atlantic Monthly Group. Distributed by Tribune Media Services.

Monday, June 30, 2008

6 AM Happy Hour


I went to talk with my Creator, but His creation got in the way.

Jesus knew how to get away from distractions (Mark 1:35). He rose before the pre-dawn hue. He found a “desolate place” (Greek for no cell coverage). He pulled up a rock and Jesus the Son communed with Abba the Father.

No distractions. No disciples texting him. No crowds pulling on his robe. No mother asking him to play bartender. Every now and again Jesus got away to get it together. So when I came to the state named after the Spanish word for “mountain,” I planned on following the footsteps of Jesus. For the past week, every morning, I’ve woken up (admittedly the sun was up – it rises just a tad bit early in the Northwest), put on the boots, and hike up the ridge. I walk past the buffalo preserve, through the old apple orchard, say “good morning” to the neighbor’s black lab, and then head up to the top.

If Palestine had been in Montana, this is where Jesus would have stood. I turn to the left and see Glacier National Park peaking through a gap in the mountains. I turn to the right and Flathead Lake spreads out like a blue blanket. Brian the son starts communing with Abba the Father.

Then they come. Not my kids. Not a cell phone ring. Barely visible black creatures from the abyss. I swat one away. Back to my conversation. Then another. “God, thank you for”…splat. Neon signs light up my arms, “Free drinks.” It was the 6 AM happy hour.

I don’t know if mosquitoes met Jesus on his mountain, but I realize it’s not just the demanding distractions that get in the way; even creation itself interrupts. The rocks may cry out praise to God, but the mosquitoes only thank God after they’ve imbibed.

Jesus helped in the drafts of Deuteronomy. So He knew, “From there you will seek the Lord and you will find Him, if you seek him with all of your heart and all your soul (Deut. 4:29). I like the first part of that verse. I find Him when there’s no noise, with cup of Joe in hand, nice views, but He vanishes with the first mosquito. In fact I throw a little blame back on God, “If you hadn’t created mosquitoes, then I could have sought you!” Whether it’s flying blood-suckers or flying emails, my heart and soul get derailed so quickly.

So the next morning I put on the hiking boots determined to seek my Father…but I spray on a bit of cologne d’OFF.

Friday, June 20, 2008

118 Seconds


“I know what you’re thinking about right now,” said Susan, my dental hygienist while wielding the automatic plaque scraper of death, “From here on out you’re going to floss.”

I wanted to let her know I did floss regularly: every night before my regular six-month check up. But it’s hard to talk with a sandblaster in your mouth.

The dentist forces me into New Years Resolutions every six months, “Next time it will be different…” But something always comes up, like the desire to get to my pillow 118 seconds earlier (for those of you floss-challenged folks, that about how long it takes to clean your chompers).

And it’s not like I despise flossing. But when you’re trying to beat your wife into bed so you don’t have to turn out the lights, every 118 seconds count.

So little by little plaque starts advancing. I believe the wounded plaque general regroups his soldiers after the dentist and says, “We lost a lot of brave men today. You hung on through the scraping, but once she pulled out that sandblaster, we were lucky to cling to these gums. But we know this guy; he’ll eventually stop using the white whip. Then we’ll resume our attack, millimeter by millimeter. WHO’S WITH ME?!”

“Little” is a big word in Scripture.
“A little leaven spoils the whole batch…”
“A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands and poverty will come upon you like a robber.”

If Peter had gone to a dentist in the Bible he probably would have heard, “Oh ye of little flossing…” (some scholars think "Get thee behind me," was because of bad breath)
Blessed are those who floss for they will receive mercy from Susan.
Beware the false flossers, for they will be cast into the place with weeping and gnashing of teeth (an obvious early reference to the six month check up).

You know the old phrase by Susan Burke (Edmund’s sister, also rumored to be a hygienist), “All that is necessary for plaque to triumph is that good people do not floss.”

A little goes a long way, for good or bad. 118 seconds is not that much of my day. But I’m tired. I’ll do it tomorrow. Ever notice how easily a few tomorrows’ turns into a few weeks, months, and then wonder why my power floss the night before has little effect.

Something’s happening little by little in our hearts and relationships:
- a little time away or with God
- a little conversation with or without our spouse
- a little time indulging or divulging an addiction
- a little time to ignore or influence a child, a friend, a neighbor

I bet when your check up rolls around you get “Good Flossing” stickers. So maybe plaque’s not gaining ground in your life, but what is? Little by little, let’s start some new habits…I’m starting one tonight...WHO’S WITH ME?!

P.S. Please don’t send me floss. I have plenty of boxes after the last 10 check ups.

Friday, June 13, 2008

What I Learned from a Pirate


Nate Larkin, author of Samson and the Pirate Monks sailed into town this week. After a Saturday seminar with the guys and a Sunday sermon on Samson, I jotted down a few thoughts.
Manhood requires brotherhood. One of my favorite lines from the book, “while Jesus does offer a personal relationship to every one of his disciples, he never promises any of us a private one.” The “self-made man” may have a fat portfolio, but he is skinny on relational capital. Only one truly matters.
We are both pirate and monk. The reformers called it being sinners and saints. There’s something wild in us, pushed too far, becomes trouble; and there’s something spiritual in us, pushed too far, becomes self-righteousness. We must keep the pirate out of wild waters and the monk out of the ivory tower without losing the authenticity of both.
“What are you doing? What are you thinking? What are you thinking of doing?” Love that line of questioning. The other one you’ll hear me ask guys now is, “So what is the one thing you didn’t want to tell me.”
Meetings aren’t for everyone, but brothers are. Samson groups may not float your boat, but I’d wager all of us need a Silas. As a church I would love to see Samson meetings pop up from the grass roots. But I believe from the top down we need to identify who our “and” guy is. If you’ll look through Scripture you’ll see authentic men had “and” guys. David AND Jonathon; Peter AND John; Paul AND Barnabas; Barnabas AND John Mark; Paul AND Silas. King Saul had no “and” guy. Samson had no “and” guy. Whose you’re “and” guy?

Guys – I know I didn’t snatch up all the gold doubloons from this weekend. Share your best nugget from the weekend in the “Leave a Comment” section. Or we’ll swing ye up on the yard arm…

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Break the Cycle

Break the Cycle

The first step is a doozy. You peer over the rock face, tell the kids you love them, and force your feet past your feelings. When you repel, you consciously choose to suspend fear and step out in faith. You trust your 200-pound frame (I haven’t been on a scale lately, so I’m dreaming) to a tightly woven rope. You look down and thoughts free fall through your mind, “What if the knot won’t hold? What if I’m the reason you sign those waiver forms? What if…what if…” You close your eyes, breath out, and take the plunge.

Over the past two weeks we’ve talked about a verse that can change your marriage, Ephesians 5:33: Let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Dr. Emerson Eggerichs (I’m sure kids were kind to him on the playground) wrote Love and Respect. To sum up the book and the verse – men need unconditional respect and women need unconditional love. As expectations go unmet we start, what he calls, a Crazy Cycle: women don’t respect because they don’t feel love; men don’t love because they don’t feel respect. We scream out as we spiral down, “How do you break this cycle?”

The first step is a doozy. Someone has to choose to respect when feeling unloved. Someone will cherish when feeling disrespected. So thoughts free fall through our mind, “Won’t I end up like a doormat? Will she just embarrass me again? What if…what if…” Our problem is we easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate – every ox thinks his load is the heaviest. How’s that working for you? To break the cycle, someone has to suspend animosity, pain, and fear and step out in faith. You trust your life to the One who tied your marriage knot. He wants you to know, “I designed it to bear the greatest weights – even your own fear.” So you close your eyes, breath out, and take the plunge.

When disrespected, you find a way to compliment her. When unloved, you go out of your way to show praise. You break the cycle by busting through your pride, ego, and desire for justice. You move your feet past your feelings. We assume our pain must be healed before we can show love and respect. After all, the desire for justice is godly, right? Remember, we will never be more like God than when we love out of our pain. And it’s far easier to act your way into a new kind of feeling than feel your way into a new kind of acting.

One way to avoid the cycle is to turn irritations into information. Next time your wife greets you with all the passion of an iceberg or your husband responds to you with a string of monosyllabic grunts, before you tune out or lash out, take a step back. People can go to a doctor because they have a headache only to find something more sinister lurking beneath the surface. The small irritations can be symptoms of a deeper sickness. Rather than wait for the cancer to spread in our marriage, take moments for periodic Eph. 5:33 check ups – be willing to ask an honestly hear the answer to these two questions:

1. For the husband to ask the wife, “Do you feel the depth of my love and adoration? What will make you feel more cherished?”
2. For the wife to ask the husband, “Do you feel the depth of my respect? What will make you feel more honored in our relationship?”

You never know if a knot will hold unless you put it to the test. What’s amazing is that I’ll trust my life to the knot tied by a 15-year-old skater dude at the rock wall, but I second-guess the God who tied my marriage knot. He designed it to hold, but unless we move our feet past our feelings, we’ll never know. Take the plunge. Repelling’s not much fun if you stay on the cliff. I think the same is true in marriage. But…that first step is a doozy.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

My Bucket List



12:15 am EST Sunday morning it infiltrated our youngest child
12:15 pm EST Monday afternoon it infiltrated our eldest child
10:15 pm EST Monday night it broke through Jen’s immune system
5:00 am EST Tuesday morning, I could feel the VAT (virus advance team) working its way through my IDS (intestinal defense system).
By 3:00 pm EST Tuesday afternoon, after multiple incursions through the rear defenses, the VAT finally burst through my (FDT) frontal dental force.

The one thing children freely share is sickness. They’ll kill you over taking one Lego, but the stomach bug comes with a kiss. It’s the home version of “friendly fire.” What’s worse is that you know it’s coming. I’m just glad I live centuries after the bubonic plague.

One of my least favorite activities is throwing up. I put it up there just after the DMV line and watching the Cowboys in the playoffs. I much prefer the back end solution as opposed to the bucket brigade. But as I dealt with the house causalities and then my own recovery, I had did have time to ponder the words we taught on last week, “Cast your bread upon the waters (invest)…for you know not what disaster may happen on earth (or at the porcelain throne)” (Eccl. 11:1-2).

When you’re truly sick, the kind of sickness that sucker punches you in the gut and then plops you in the bed for a few days, you realize how little you control. Monday night I went to bed fine (though Jen kept waking me up because she had to get up every hour!), but by Tuesday morning I was in a war zone. If a microscopic bug puts us down for the count, then how much more when God decides to make “something crooked” (Eccl. 1:15; 7:13).

Now that I’m free from the bug’s grasp, I’m reminded, once again, to make the most of the moments God gives me. When you’re sick, it’s a good time to make a bucket list – not so much about the experiences I’d love to have personally, but about the people God wants me to invest in. Hopefully I’ll pass on something more than just the stomach flu.